08/06/2022
I had a rough start to last night. I was reading my old posts on facebook, and most of that was okay, but then I got back to some of the ones that were stuff my mom and dad wrote, before they threw me away. I am convinced the love was never real, because of everything that's happened, but it hurt to see that. I feel like a lot of what I lived was fake in that people pretended sometimes, and I fell for it. Some of the words were great, but when things got hard, they walked away. That's hard to get my head around, because they are supposed to be my parents. So because I have anxiety, my brain went into an anxiety spiral, and was certain that everyone else in my life that's close, and there aren't many, would end up doing the same things. I know this isn't true, but it took some gentle music, and then Ellie came and without being asked laid herself across my legs and lower body. The deep pressure helped and we slept like that. So I woke up right at feed water park time, and she peed. Then I came in and got ready. Breakfast was creamed rice, toast, and coke. Then we loaded up and went to Walmart, worked around a bunch of carts and people and obsticles. Then we got Ellie a monkey, a chocolate doughnut toy, I got some deredoes, cantaloupe, and Dr. Pepper. Then we came back, had water park, she peed. Then we looked at the 5 way at home and some of the other crossings. Then we came back and played for a bit, and then I did a hand target exercise with her and she picked it up super quickly, so now I can ask her to touch and she'll touch my hand. I will probably do a few more sessions of it with her to really get it in her brain, but she gets it. She also knows Elevator which I tought her, as well as up and down. I love this dog so much! Lunch was some kind of BBQ turkey sandwich which was really good, chicken tordalini soup, fries, and coke. Now we have the afternoon off except for park times. At 1 o'clock park she peed. Then we came in and took a nap. I woke up around 2:30 because I was being called repeatedly and shortly after she began nosing me very insistantly. She hadn't done this before so I thought she might need to park, and sure enough, I took her outside and she did poop. Then we came in and I took a bath, and now just hanging out until 4:30 feed water park. Had feed water park, and she peed. Dinner was breaded chicken, a turkey sandwich, peach pie, and coke. Now we just have free time until water park.